36 Years and Still Going

Brian and I celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary last night with a quiet , candle light dinner here at home and then we watched a movie afterward. It was a good evening. We both have other commitments today but we have at least managed to give each other a squeeze and a kiss before we have to go our separate ways. I have to work until 11 tonight and Brian is helping families in the branch move out of their dumpy apartment building into better living quarters.

Today Brian and I have been married 36 years! That amazes me as well as my father and siblings. Everyone thought it was going to be a doomed marriage because I got married as a teenager. Before I got married I thought it was not right to be married before the age of 23. Why 23? I haven't a clue but it just seemed to me that 23 was an acceptable age to be married. It was really Cecilia that talked me into getting married when I did. She asked me if I loved Brian and I told her that I did and then she asked why I wouldn't want to spend all my time with him and why I would put off the time when I could do so. It made me think and realize that maybe it wasn't so important to be 23 after all. I knew within my heart that it was Brian I wanted and so when he asked me, I was ready.
Looking back on those 36 years I can say that it wasn't always easy. We had our disagreements and our differences and it brought conflict that wasn't always the most pleasant to have to endure. The conflicts came mostly on our approach as to how to discipline and job sharing around the home/farm. I needed more support ,emotionally and physically from Brian as there were times that I felt way overwhelmed with all my responsibilities. He wasn't sure how to give that support and didn't know what to do. I would give him a list of things that needed to get done so that he could pick and choose from the list as to how he could help me but then he got overwhelmed by just looking at my list and that drained any desire to help from him. He used to complain about my lists alot and exaggerate how long they were. It didn't help to tell him to take just one thing and work on it, it was too much for him too. Blessings would have helped tremendously during those times. I asked for them but rarely did I receive one from him.
From all those negative experiences I have learned a number of things.
1st. That life is not a grudge match and that we need to let go of the bad and cling to the good or we will be poisoned by the bad things and become bitter and resentful.
2nd. There is a time and a place to discuss differences of opinions and when you or the other person is tired, hungry, or angry it is not the time to be discussing things because we are more prone to say hurtful words that cannot be retracted from the other persons mind. Using a dagger on your spouse is no way to make things better.
3rd. Patience and understanding are a must. Trying to have empathy and seeing things from the other person's prospevtive helps to allow for comprimises. Sometimes we will not agree and we must then go to the Lord and ask His help to work through the problem.
4th. Sometimes it requires biting the tongue( now you know the rest of the story) and holding your peace until you get things figured out so that you don't say or do something that you will regret later. Jason, I didn't realize that you had picked up on the tongue biting aspect of my life! I'm not sure if that is a good habit or a bad one- just don't bite too hard! I love you lots!
5th. Writing thoughts and feeling down on paper helps you to see if something is really worth making a fuss over. Journal writing is encouraged by the church for a good reason. It really helps you to see where you are at from all areas of your life.
6th. Life is not all bad, cherish the good moments and write them down so that when times do get rough- and they will at times get rough- you can go back and look at all the good times you have had together. This really helps to soften the hard times.

I wish all married couples everywhere life time of love and frienship this day!